THE WIG THEORY is very sensitive information. What you are about to read may completely spoil the entire plot for the rest of the show. So read at your own risk and at your own discretion. Whatever you do, don’t wig out.
It all began back in the year 1846, when the first wig was ever created. This wig was no ordinary wig. The pieces of hair were genuine fibre strands taken from a recently deceased man. The man had died in mysterious circumstances at sea. No one knew who he was other than he was wearing a suit when he washed ashore and his name was threaded into the inner collar. The name read Jacob. This man was quickly buried upon being discovered, but a man named Jerald Hairpiece used this as an opportunity to get some fresh hair to create the very first bonafide wig. So he dug up Jacob’s grave only to find the body had disappeared, leaving only the body’s hair in the coffin. The wig maker thought it strange and very convenient that the only thing to remain was Jacob’s hair. But he didn’t believe in fate and pegged it as simple coincidence. 16 days later and the first wig was born.
The first man to purchase and wear this wig was a seemingly eternally young man named Richard Alpert who lived on a magical island but often visited the mainland to buy mass amounts of eye-liner. For centuries he kept the wig never daring to put it on in fear that his fellow others may make fun of him. But one particularly fine day in the early seventies, there was a cold wind blowing on the island of magic, so he decided to suck up his pride and try the wig on. The wig was very long. And the others did laugh, so much so it drove a very embarrassed and ashamed Richard to wander out into the jungle so he could cry without the presence of ridicule. After he manned-up about it he decided to go back to face his tormenters only to hear a young boy crying out for his Mom in the distance. This boy was Benjamin Linus. Richard approached Ben and conversed with him, and was so delighted that Benjamin did not point out the ridiculous nature of his wig during their chat that he told him! that he could one day join him and his friends in the jungle.
Richard threw away the wig shortly after this conversation, realising that he had gotten the validation he had needed, all be it from a little boy. That wig sat on the ground for a long time. But as stated earlier, this was no ordinary wig. This was Jacob’s wig. And the ghost of Jacob (now back on the island residing in a renovated cabin) wanted his wig back. The black wig was discovered later by Dharma folk who on one cold and stormy night decided to use this wig as a source for warmth by adding it to a fire. Of course, they did not know that this was a magical wig and when they threw it on the fire the black strands of hair created black smoke. The smoke monster was born. Or what he will soon be revealed as - THE WIG MONSTER.
This displeased Jacob very much as he knew he would never be able to wear it on his head again now that it was a big black cloud of smoke that liked to eat people so he cast out his net across the world to find other people who wore wigs that resembled his own in some way. Somehow he needed to get these wig wearers to the island. And then get them to turn THE WIG MONSTER back into his wig and then get them to go back in time to give it to him before any of this ever happened. Jacob was tired of catching colds from having a bald scalp and his cabin did not have central heating. He knew anyone who ever wore a wig would be invulnerable to THE WIG MONSTER as it would not kill one of its own.
First there was Jack. Jack was wearing a wig when he first met his future wife Sarah, who had just been in a car crash and broken her back. Because Jacob loved Jack’s wig so much he invested it with magical properties that helped Jack to fix Sarah’s broken spinal cord. This pleased Jack and Sarah much. and this began Jack’s journey to the island.
Then there was Daniel Faraday. Who just around his graduation from university was wearing a particularly devastating wig on his head. Jacob thought that he looked like Wayne from Wayne’s World only with facial hair. He liked this. It was also convenient that Faraday was the love child of two of Jacob’s loyal followers Charles Widmore and Eloise Hawking. He told them that they must get Faraday to the island at any cost so that he may sample the delights of Faraday’s lovely hair-piece. Although, by the time he finally arrived on the island, Faraday had a hair cut and this made Jacob mad. So much so he decided he didn’t want to talk to anyone for a whole two seasons and instead got the ghost of Christian Shepard to do all the work for him. Christian did not like to work. He liked to drink, and was most put out by Jacob’s sulking and laziness. Christian took out his anger on Michael Dawson by letting him blow up on a freighter because Michael had the least hair in the ! vicinity and he knew Jacob would not care if someone with little hair died.
But then there was Locke. Locke was special. Why? Because he was completely bald. Now Locke had dabbled in his past with wearing a variety of ever decreasing in hair wigs. But now he had finally decided to put an end to childish things and just go completely slap head safe.
Jacob liked Locke because he had no hair and that way, unlike most of the Dharma folk, he couldn’t rub the fact that he had any hair in Jacob’s face. Locke was special above all others. The Dharma people all had ling hair and that’s why Jacob ordered their deaths. Too much hair for one island. But he feared that now Locke was without a razor and clippers, his hair might grow back. So Jacob led Locke to the hatch where there were numerous amounts of hair tools in there that he could use to shave that bald head of his. And shave the hair he did.
Is everyone following the timeline so far?
So many wigs. So much work to do.
Benjamin Linus eventually grew to be a man and was so secretly enamoured by Richard Alpert’s wig from that meeting in the jungle all those years ago that he had never forgotten it and then he had one modelled after it. He only wore it when he was with the others. The first day he put it on was the day he took Alex from Rousseau on the beach. He wore it only with the others in order to honour Richard’s bravery that day. That, and the fact it was just so darn lovely on his head.
Sayid refused to accept the magicalness of the island the whole time they were on it. So much so that he was punished by Jacob and forced to wear the most horrendous wig of all after he left it. This wig can be seen in all it’s punishment-glory when Sayid goes to bust Hurley out of the mental institution. You can see the pain in Sayid’s eyes knowing this big mop on his head will be with him for at least half a season longer until the writers give him a haircut. He goes back to the island realising why he was punished and takes out his anger on a young Ben. Sayid knew little Ben would go on to wear wigs and could not bare the thought he might one day have to wear one again too. So he shot him.
Charlie died because he kept on letting Claire cut his hair every season and Jacob saw this as a lack of appreciation for having hair, so he thought it best that Charlie die for his sins. He also tried to hint to Jin many times over the course of the show that he needed to seriously wash his increasingly greasey hair by exploding him off rafts and boats so he would fall into the ocean and at least have a semi-hair wash if nothing else. Jin finally took heed of this and washed his hair when becoming a Dharma dude.
Other islanders who were brought to the island because they had a passion for wigs were Kate (who wore a variety of them whilst on the run evading capture from the feds), Boone (who looked like he was always wearing a wig), and Sawyer (who just had lovely hair). Libby wore wigs but because of her awful, varying tastes in wig hairstyles was sentenced to death for crimes against wig wearing.
Essentially, this show is all about wigs.
Now it is up to Locke who must tame the smoke monster and turn it back into a wig so he may deliver it back in time to a cold and bald Jacob in the cabin. This is what Jacob meant when he said to Locke “Help me.” He wanted to say “Help me… get some hair.” But could not muster the energy. It is very cold in that cabin.
Season Six will consist of much derring-do to get Jacob’s wig back before it’s too late, as without it, he will just continue to refuse to come out of his cabin and sort out all the island troubles. He is very vain our Jacob.
This concludes The Wig Theory.
Don't forget to tell all your friends
Lost has been… SOLVED.
It all began back in the year 1846, when the first wig was ever created. This wig was no ordinary wig. The pieces of hair were genuine fibre strands taken from a recently deceased man. The man had died in mysterious circumstances at sea. No one knew who he was other than he was wearing a suit when he washed ashore and his name was threaded into the inner collar. The name read Jacob. This man was quickly buried upon being discovered, but a man named Jerald Hairpiece used this as an opportunity to get some fresh hair to create the very first bonafide wig. So he dug up Jacob’s grave only to find the body had disappeared, leaving only the body’s hair in the coffin. The wig maker thought it strange and very convenient that the only thing to remain was Jacob’s hair. But he didn’t believe in fate and pegged it as simple coincidence. 16 days later and the first wig was born.
The first man to purchase and wear this wig was a seemingly eternally young man named Richard Alpert who lived on a magical island but often visited the mainland to buy mass amounts of eye-liner. For centuries he kept the wig never daring to put it on in fear that his fellow others may make fun of him. But one particularly fine day in the early seventies, there was a cold wind blowing on the island of magic, so he decided to suck up his pride and try the wig on. The wig was very long. And the others did laugh, so much so it drove a very embarrassed and ashamed Richard to wander out into the jungle so he could cry without the presence of ridicule. After he manned-up about it he decided to go back to face his tormenters only to hear a young boy crying out for his Mom in the distance. This boy was Benjamin Linus. Richard approached Ben and conversed with him, and was so delighted that Benjamin did not point out the ridiculous nature of his wig during their chat that he told him! that he could one day join him and his friends in the jungle.
Richard threw away the wig shortly after this conversation, realising that he had gotten the validation he had needed, all be it from a little boy. That wig sat on the ground for a long time. But as stated earlier, this was no ordinary wig. This was Jacob’s wig. And the ghost of Jacob (now back on the island residing in a renovated cabin) wanted his wig back. The black wig was discovered later by Dharma folk who on one cold and stormy night decided to use this wig as a source for warmth by adding it to a fire. Of course, they did not know that this was a magical wig and when they threw it on the fire the black strands of hair created black smoke. The smoke monster was born. Or what he will soon be revealed as - THE WIG MONSTER.
This displeased Jacob very much as he knew he would never be able to wear it on his head again now that it was a big black cloud of smoke that liked to eat people so he cast out his net across the world to find other people who wore wigs that resembled his own in some way. Somehow he needed to get these wig wearers to the island. And then get them to turn THE WIG MONSTER back into his wig and then get them to go back in time to give it to him before any of this ever happened. Jacob was tired of catching colds from having a bald scalp and his cabin did not have central heating. He knew anyone who ever wore a wig would be invulnerable to THE WIG MONSTER as it would not kill one of its own.
First there was Jack. Jack was wearing a wig when he first met his future wife Sarah, who had just been in a car crash and broken her back. Because Jacob loved Jack’s wig so much he invested it with magical properties that helped Jack to fix Sarah’s broken spinal cord. This pleased Jack and Sarah much. and this began Jack’s journey to the island.
Then there was Daniel Faraday. Who just around his graduation from university was wearing a particularly devastating wig on his head. Jacob thought that he looked like Wayne from Wayne’s World only with facial hair. He liked this. It was also convenient that Faraday was the love child of two of Jacob’s loyal followers Charles Widmore and Eloise Hawking. He told them that they must get Faraday to the island at any cost so that he may sample the delights of Faraday’s lovely hair-piece. Although, by the time he finally arrived on the island, Faraday had a hair cut and this made Jacob mad. So much so he decided he didn’t want to talk to anyone for a whole two seasons and instead got the ghost of Christian Shepard to do all the work for him. Christian did not like to work. He liked to drink, and was most put out by Jacob’s sulking and laziness. Christian took out his anger on Michael Dawson by letting him blow up on a freighter because Michael had the least hair in the ! vicinity and he knew Jacob would not care if someone with little hair died.
But then there was Locke. Locke was special. Why? Because he was completely bald. Now Locke had dabbled in his past with wearing a variety of ever decreasing in hair wigs. But now he had finally decided to put an end to childish things and just go completely slap head safe.
Jacob liked Locke because he had no hair and that way, unlike most of the Dharma folk, he couldn’t rub the fact that he had any hair in Jacob’s face. Locke was special above all others. The Dharma people all had ling hair and that’s why Jacob ordered their deaths. Too much hair for one island. But he feared that now Locke was without a razor and clippers, his hair might grow back. So Jacob led Locke to the hatch where there were numerous amounts of hair tools in there that he could use to shave that bald head of his. And shave the hair he did.
Is everyone following the timeline so far?
So many wigs. So much work to do.
Benjamin Linus eventually grew to be a man and was so secretly enamoured by Richard Alpert’s wig from that meeting in the jungle all those years ago that he had never forgotten it and then he had one modelled after it. He only wore it when he was with the others. The first day he put it on was the day he took Alex from Rousseau on the beach. He wore it only with the others in order to honour Richard’s bravery that day. That, and the fact it was just so darn lovely on his head.
Sayid refused to accept the magicalness of the island the whole time they were on it. So much so that he was punished by Jacob and forced to wear the most horrendous wig of all after he left it. This wig can be seen in all it’s punishment-glory when Sayid goes to bust Hurley out of the mental institution. You can see the pain in Sayid’s eyes knowing this big mop on his head will be with him for at least half a season longer until the writers give him a haircut. He goes back to the island realising why he was punished and takes out his anger on a young Ben. Sayid knew little Ben would go on to wear wigs and could not bare the thought he might one day have to wear one again too. So he shot him.
Charlie died because he kept on letting Claire cut his hair every season and Jacob saw this as a lack of appreciation for having hair, so he thought it best that Charlie die for his sins. He also tried to hint to Jin many times over the course of the show that he needed to seriously wash his increasingly greasey hair by exploding him off rafts and boats so he would fall into the ocean and at least have a semi-hair wash if nothing else. Jin finally took heed of this and washed his hair when becoming a Dharma dude.
Other islanders who were brought to the island because they had a passion for wigs were Kate (who wore a variety of them whilst on the run evading capture from the feds), Boone (who looked like he was always wearing a wig), and Sawyer (who just had lovely hair). Libby wore wigs but because of her awful, varying tastes in wig hairstyles was sentenced to death for crimes against wig wearing.
Essentially, this show is all about wigs.
Now it is up to Locke who must tame the smoke monster and turn it back into a wig so he may deliver it back in time to a cold and bald Jacob in the cabin. This is what Jacob meant when he said to Locke “Help me.” He wanted to say “Help me… get some hair.” But could not muster the energy. It is very cold in that cabin.
Season Six will consist of much derring-do to get Jacob’s wig back before it’s too late, as without it, he will just continue to refuse to come out of his cabin and sort out all the island troubles. He is very vain our Jacob.
This concludes The Wig Theory.
Don't forget to tell all your friends
Lost has been… SOLVED.
